Kaden Lane just turned one. I know it’s cliche to say, “I can’t believe how fast it went” and while I do feel like life is flying by, with the COVID-19 pandemic and the biggest civil rights movement in history, things have been far from normal. So while everyday is still full of crazy ups and downs, I felt like sharing my experience with the first year and why I can now at least take a deep breath and relax a bit. And if you’re in the thick of it with a newborn, here are some tips and lessons I’ve learned that have worked for me along the way.

SLEEP IS NOT OVERRATED: Not just for the baby, but for you too! I’m aware this is far easier said than done, but I can’t tell you how many times I’d be frustrated and not totally know why, or be snippy with my husband, then realize after a quick catnap or going to bed early, how much that changed my attitude and perspective. As much as I love being a night owl, those early mornings are so much less painful when I force myself to go to bed early.

As far as the baby goes, I was so focused on a feeding schedule the first few months, I completely didn’t pay attention to how long he was awake during the day. Once I started being aware of “wake windows”, a sleep routine, and putting him down in a consistent way, it made a HUGE difference in Kaden’s temperament overall. I highly recommend Taking Cara Babies for all your sleep needs - it’s what I followed and he’s been sleeping through the night since around 6 months (with a few exceptions of course).

BABIES ARE RESILIENT:

Kaden started walking around 10 months. He is constantly falling down, slamming his head into things, and other various injuries that accompany a seemingly miniature drunken baby deer running around the house with much more confidence than ability. Even with watching him all the time, a lot of these boo boo’s are unavoidable and seeing him learn how to not pinch his fingers in the drawer actually makes them have a bit of purpose. Thank God these babies’s heads are soft!

ASK FOR HELP:

Asking for help was harder for me than I thought. I firmly believed I wouldn’t deal with this “mom guilt” everyone was talking about. I was completely wrong. I was not prepared for the intensity of feeling like I had to come back as fast as I could if and when I left the house, or the guilt I felt for not working more. But if I worked more, feeling like I should be available in case the baby needs me. Basically setting myself up for a lose-lose situation. I still am trying to work through the nuts and bolts of this one and getting close to letting go enough to enjoy my time away. But it’s very real and annoying as hell! The times when I asked for help and got it, made all the difference.

DRINK ALL THE COFFEE: This one is a no brainer. I know this can be your personal choice and obviously listen to your doctors recommendations, but I drank a morning cup of coffee every day during pregnancy. Then, I drank even more when breastfeeding because I had to! Being exhausted and used as a human feeding trough is hard enough without the delicious help of caffeine. I stopped breastfeeding around 8 months and now my coffee intake has increased yet again with no end in sight.

STOP READING THINGS:

There is SO MUCH information out there about the “right way” to do everything from breast-feeding to which diapers to use. I had to learn quickly to stop listening to the millions of voices out there and focus on the parts that felt right and that worked for me and my baby. Having a few people I could call to ask about sleep sacks and routines is necessary, but it’s easy to get lost in the countless mommy forums and posts. Each mom/woman has different goals, different personalities, and deal with having a baby in such different ways - so at the end of the day, just do you. Nobody knows what your baby needs more than you do.

These past twelve months have been filled with a roller coaster of emotions on the daily ranging from extreme joy, beauty, and an overwhelming sense of love, to challenges, frustration, and moments where I thought “I’m not cut out for this.” And yet here I am, a year down, house full of boys and pets, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Here’s to all the mama’s out there - you deserve all the coffee and all the wine. :)

Much love,

SG