As I’m sitting here planning out the more generic blog posts of “fall favorites,” and “5 best whatever” today I decided to write what’s actually on my mind - which is, I feel like I’m failing. I know that’s just a feeling and not the reality but being at home with a baby all day can really wedge those thoughts into your brain through the exhaustion, nursing, multi-tasking, and million little stresses that fill up the day. Not showering and wearing the same sweatpants for a few days in a row doesn’t scream productivity either.

However, my goal of this post is not to complain (ok, it is a little) but to shed some light on how hard it truly is to be a mom - and to share these conclusions I’ve come to, at least at this point in my baby journey, so when other people read this and can relate, they know they aren’t truly failing, or a bad mom, they are normal. Between the many Instagram DM’s of moms sharing their knowing advice, encouraging texts from friends, and daytime coffee walks, these are the most annoying parts of having a baby that nobody prepared me for…(who for the record, I’m very grateful for and love very much) however….

STRUGGLE: Clothes - Will I ever wear denim again?? 

I’m currently 4 months postpartum, breastfeeding, and constantly starving and dehydrated. It feels like a full time job just keeping myself fed so I can keep the baby fed! My maternity clothes are too big and my normal clothes are still much too small which leaves me with 2 pairs of joggers that don’t quite fit and frayed stretched pants. Also, as someone who has happily flat-chested before, every shirt I wear is too short because I’m not used to having anything to fill it out. 

SOLUTIONS: Get a pair of semi-appropriate sweatpants and wear them almost every day. The baby doesn’t care and neither should you. But, when you do have to put real clothes on, here are some staple items: 

-Align Leggings by Lululemon. The most comfy pants you’ll own that stretch with your body. 

-High-waisted wide-leg pants that can be dressed up or down. 

-Joggers (a little more put-together of a look but still comfy)

-Target t-shirts (you’ll be changing shirts multiple times a day depending on how much your baby barfs so go ahead and spring for multiple shirts) 

Links to all these items are available on my LiketoKnow.it page as well.

STRUGGLE: My husband’s life is seemingly unaffected.

I miss going to events and workout classes and talking to people in general. My husband continues working (which is necessary for you know, money) and can run to meetings, restaurants, etc. and I have to be extremely limiting in what I can do or plan a million steps ahead to actually go somewhere. It’s amazing how fast bitterness can rise up in this area but it’s not helpful to anyone!

SOLUTIONS: Ask for help and accept it.

-Have your partner put the baby down at night and go grab a bite or drink with a friend. 

-Pick one thing that makes you feel pampered, (massage, mani/pedi, etc.) and get away, even if it’s just for an hour.

-Have friends bring you coffee or meet people for coffee walks with the baby. It’s amazing what a little fresh air and good conversation will do for your soul. 

STRUGGLE: Sleep!

The constant night wake-ups are brutal, especially at the beginning but thank the Lord above it gets better with time. It’s amazing how you can (sort of) function off such little sleep. And I’m sorry, but the whole “sleep when baby sleeps” is BS because when would you shower, or eat, or do anything that makes you feel like a human? During the day that just wasn’t really an option for me.

SOLUTIONS: 

-TULA Glow and get it balm for eye bags

-Have your partner give a bottle for the late night feeding and you go to bed early enough to get at least a 4 hour stretch. 

Jake and I had a loose system where he’d handle the baby anytime before 3am and I’d take anything after. It was a game-changer. That way we at least had our chunks of time where we know we can get some rest…hopefully. 

STRUGGLE: Feeling overwhelmed and lonely 

These days are long, they are tiring, and can feel like you’ll never be normal again. Having to say no to things you really want to go to can suck so much, especially if you’re an extravert like myself, but sometimes you just can’t make it all work. Between the hormones and sleep-deprivation, crying is a given. That’s ok too. 

SOLUTIONS: 

-Connect with other moms: this is so important because only they can understand what you’re truly going through and lift you up when you need it.

-Talk to a doctor if you feel off for a while….it’s hard to know the difference between normal feelings of “this is hard” and postpartum depression so go talk to someone just to be sure. You’ll be glad you did either way. 

-Remind yourself it’s only temporary. This also can be BS because when people told me this, I wanted to punch them for the most part, but honestly every week gets a little better and more manageable. 

For those moms out there, I think you’re incredible and amazing. And for you non-moms, I want you to really know what you’re getting into when it comes to babies so you can be prepared! So travel, sleep, and live your freedom-filled life while you can! But once that little baby appears, all the things you miss out on and hard days are so very worth it. And for those struggles along the way, wine is imperative. 

Comment below with anything that has kept you sane as a parent…

Much love,

SG